<-- back to Scene Three

SCENE 4 The street. Your mission, should you choose to accept it...

Valentine and Viola, who's wearing Sebastian's coat and other boy clothes, walk up out of the audience.

VALENTINE If the duke continue these favours towards you, Cesario, you are like to be much advanced: he hath known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.

As Valentine speaks, Viola shadows him, a pace behind, deliberately matching his gait and footsteps. She's learning, for the first time, how to walk like a man.

VIOLA You either fear his humour or my negligence, that you call in question the continuance of his love: is he inconstant, sir, in his favours?
VALENTINE No, believe me.

And if you really want to volunteer to be the shoulder he cries on, be our freakin' guest.

VIOLA I thank you.

Viola sees the Count's approach, and speaks over her shoulder at the musicians.

Here comes the count.

The music, once again, turns from chant to chamber just as Orsino and Curio enter. Increasingly sure that he's just never going to get to hear the really cool beats, the duke sighs in defeat. Curio has bows and quiver once again in hand, increasingly eager to hunt. Come on, guys, let's stop talking about Mistress Cruelty and go kill some varmints!

ORSINO Who saw Cesario, ho?

You're shadowing Valentine so well you've disappeared behind him.

VIOLA On your attendance, my lord; here.

A knowing look from Valentine to Viola as Curio hands Orsino his bow. Let's keep our priorities straight. Hunting. We're going hunting now, right?

ORSINO Stand you a while aloof,

Handing the bow back to Curio. Oh gods, not again. Somebody get this guy laid so we can eat some real food. Orsino takes Cesario by the shoulder and gives him the mission of his life (actually, it's just the mission of everyone's life in this place, and it's simply Cesario's turn because everyone else keeps failing at it).

Cesario, thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd
to thee the book even of my secret soul: therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her; be not denied access, stand at her doors, and tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow till thou have audience.

Jeez, guy. Restraining order much?

VIOLA Sure, my noble lord, if she be so abandon'd to her sorrow as it is spoke, she never will admit me.
ORSINO Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds rather than make unprofited return.
VIOLA Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?
ORSINO O, then unfold the passion of my love, surprise her with discourse of my dear faith:

Viola is the agent behind enemy lines. She's discovering that there's a world of difference between receiving an emissary that proclaims the passion of a distant suitor (as Viola herself has seen from time to time) and having the suitor hold her by the shoulders and look her in the eyes while he's waxing poetic. Whoa. This is locker room talk?

it shall become thee well to act my woes; she will attend it better in thy youth than in a nuncio's of more grave aspect.

Meaning Valentine, who isn't that much older, for crying out loud. Yeah, or it could just be that you're a creep.

VIOLA I think not so, my lord.
ORSINO Dear lad, believe it; for they shall yet belie thy happy years, that say thou art a man: Diana's lip is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound,

You touched my waddle.

and all is semblative a woman's part.

Clearing her throat huskily, possibly crossing her arms and angling away from profile before he can reach over and tweak her nipple. Nope, you're totally mistaken, nothing but boys here, sir.

I know thy constellation is right apt for this affair.

Grabbing the bow from Curio. Rejoice! Venison for dinner!

Prosper well in this, and thou shalt live as freely as thy lord, to call his fortunes thine.
[Orsino & the hunting party exits stage right]
VIOLA I'll do my best to woo your lady:

Once again, from courtly music, as they leave, to tribal music. Viola walks out into the audience to deliver the aside...

yet, a barful strife! whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.

--> on to Scene Five

Twelfth Night Annotated Script © 2001 Kevin M. Hollenbeck.
All Rights Reserved. Back to Twelfth Night.